Honest Rants: Attention Seekers

Imagine this, you’re sitting at a coffee shop drinking some coffee (or tea if you don’t drink coffee) chatting and laughing with your friends. You’re just having a good time, enjoying the sunlight and the ambiance in the store when suddenly, this girl turns around and says “Excuse me, why do you and your friends keep turning around to look and laugh at me?”

Awkward moment right there.

She then turns around and starts talking (rather loudly) to her friend about how it’s rude that people stare and laugh at other people.

Another awkward moment right there. And what’s even more awkward? It’s a true story.

In my opinion this person is what I would call an attention seeker, not interested in anything else but bringing attention to him or herself whether it be positive or negative. It was very obvious that me and my friends were not looking or laughing at this very delightful young lady. However, she thought that we were, which honestly, was very arrogant of her. Why would I be laughing at her anyway? She didn’t have any laughable qualities and she before her outburst, she was definitely not talking loudly enough about anything funny enough for me to laugh at. Her call of attention to herself, quite honestly, was very annoying and made me slightly angry at her. Did she really think that I had nothing better to do than spend my afternoon staring at her and wasting my laughter on her?

While some attention seekers are fun to be around, most of them aren’t. What do I mean by fun to be around? Well, when calling attention to themselves, it’s because they have a joke or a funny story to tell. Sadly, most attention seekers call for attention at the smallest, most annoying things. Like by telling a half-true story about something that is very obviously a lie. For example a small paper cut can become this huge dramatic event about how they accidentally got the cut making sushi at this expensive sushi making class with this 5-star chef at this expensive, high-class hotel in Greenland. Yeah, definitely not true. And let’s be honest, we all have that one friend that exaggerate everything that they go through. That’s right, this attention seeking friend makes everything a bigger issue than it actually is. The worst part is that they go on and on about this issue, and when you find out it wasn’t even that big a deal, they either make up excuses about how you “had to be there” to know what it felt like or they get sulky and upset about how you’re “picking on them”. We also have this attention seeking friend on our social media websites, talking about their day and ranting about every single thing that went wrong in their status, tweet, comment, or post. Sadly, for these types of people, we hate them but we also love them, I mean, it’s like a reality TV show, except, you know the star.

So, the conclusion of this rant? Try not to be one of those people. Don’t seek attention that will make people hate you, like seriously.

Attention Seekers

Wanting Change

There comes a point in everyone’s lives when they want a change. Change of scenery, career, look, love and some even go as far as to change their entire life. I have never thought about change before. I always thought I knew what I wanted to do in life, be it my career choice, what I study in college, my religion. Everything seemed to fit into place so perfectly. I had no idea that I would go through that at some point of my life. And multiple times too.

I remember it clearly, the panic that made my heart rush, the fear that made me wonder, “how long has it been since I’ve been walking in the wrong direction?”. Thoughts like that whirled around in my head, making me doubt every choice and decision I’ve made in life. I kept asking myself if this was really what I wanted to study, whether I should change my major or if I really wanted to continue walking towards the direction I’ve been heading for so long or if I even wanted to be in college. Many times when I got a bad grade I mourned. I kept thinking, “maybe I should just quit college and just start working.” I didn’t know how to get over this slump, it was depressing and heart wrenching. It was like seeing everyone run ahead of me while I slowly hobbled behind and no matter how fast I walked there seemed to be no end in sight. It got to the point where I was willing to throw everything away, to just stop trying. But I passed that point, I’ve managed to get over that slump and start running again. These slumps come with the joys in life as a “pre-paid” package. You can’t have ups without having any downs, you can’t know what real happiness is if you’ve never experienced true pain. This road block I faced in life was a period of pure suffering. During the time, I didn’t know what I did to deserve it. It had lowered my self-esteem and self-worth, I started to wonder who I was as a person. But now that I’ve passed that obstacle, I look back and I understand. Those questions that I kept asking myself wasn’t there to make me suffer, it was there to help me remember why I’m running towards this direction. It keeps me strong in my resolution to keep going forward and to not regret any decision I’ve made. That every choice I’ve made was intentional. Nothing was left to chance.

Everyone wants to change something in their lives at some point of their life. And every time they reach that point, people say, “you’ve reached a milestone!” The thoughts of wanting to change isn’t always something bad. It might slow you down, make you panic, and scare you out of your wits, but it’s a good point in life to look back and say to yourself, “wow, I’ve come so far. I didn’t know I could make it!” It’s that point where you are given a chance to see why you’re going in the direction you’re going, to understand that you can rejoice and learn from your regrets and sufferings. Because you’ve come this far and it means you can keep going further.

At some point in your life, you’re going to want to change something. When you get there just remember to keep pushing forward. It doesn’t matter how slowly you walk or how painful the climb, because when you cross that bridge, you’ll be stronger and faster than you ever were before.

Road

Having a “Wrong” Opinion

I would say we all have this one friend, or we all know this one person, who insists that they are always right. And not only do they insist they’re right, they try to convince you that you’re wrong. They also won’t admit that they’re wrong even when someone else can prove that they are wrong. What’s worse is that this person is not someone who is actually knowledgable about something, they just have opinions about things and, in their own mind, their opinions are the only right ones. Anyone who disagrees with them or has differing opinions, are wrong.

Let me explain what I mean with an illustration. I think that red, mushy apples, taste better than green, crunchy apples. Why? Because I don’t like crunchy apples, it gets stuck between my teeth, and green apples are usually sour, and I don’t like sour apples. My friend on the other hand, likes green, sour apples because she likes sour apples and in her opinion, they taste better. Now, if I were to tell her I think red, mushy apples taste better, she’d be totally fine with it. I know she likes green, crunchy apples, and she knows I like red, mushy apples. As simple as that. I don’t need to convince her I’m right and she doesn’t have to prove to me that I’m wrong. However, the type of person I described earlier would not think the same way. They would probably respond like this, “What? You can’t like red, mushy apples! That’s wrong! You can only like green, crunchy apples! Why? Because in my opinion, sour apples taste better. And if it’s crunchy it means it’s ripe! Mushy apples are rotten, that’s why they’re mushy! I know I’m no expert on apples, but my opinions are always right because I’m always right!”

Okay well, they wouldn’t really say that but, you get what I mean right?

Opinion Definition

It’s fine to form your own opinions about things. As a matter of fact, I think it’s great! It’s what makes us unique from one another. Additionally, differing opinions helps us look at things from a different perspective. Looking at the apple example, my friend might not have thought about how crunchy apples getting stuck between their teeth, and I might not have thought about how crunchy apples might be more juicy if we had not told each other our opinions on which apple was tastier. Does this change our mind on which apple is tastier? Probably not, but now I know why my friend likes green, crunchy apples. It makes sense and I can understand why, in her opinion, green, crunchy apples are tastier. Nobody can have a wrong opinion, it’s not based on factual reasoning or evidence, so if I want to think that red is prettier than green, that’s fine! I’m not wrong for liking red, just the same as a guy isn’t wrong for thinking person A is prettier than person B. It’s all personal preference.

So don’t be that guy, don’t be that person that goes around thinking that their opinions trump all the other opinions in the world. That you’re the only person that’s right and everyone that doesn’t think like you is wrong. Because that would be a sad boring world, with little imagination and no creativity. Because if someone out there didn’t think “hey, I think that cows would taste better than chicken.” We would have no beef. That’s right, think about that.

Honest Rants: Racist Jokes

Disclaimer: This post is based on my own personal opinion and is by no means meant to offend anyone. If you disagree with anything I say in this post, I will respect your opinion. However, I also ask that you please respect mine.

I am not American. I came here not too long ago and I love this place. But since I’ve been here, I’ve been the subject of insensitive comments and rude statements. Yeap, I have been and still am a victim of racism.

Everyone’s a bit racist sometimes right? Yes, that’s true, but I think there’s a limit to how racist you can and should be. And no, these racist comments did not just come from just my White American acquaintances, it came from many of my multi-coloured friends. Most times, especially when it came from a friend, I’m fine with these comments. However, there have been many times when I’ve heard, repeatedly, jokes about my Chinese name and origin, my eyes, or any pronunciation mistakes I’ve made (because obviously the American way of saying it is the ONLY way to say it). And because I’ve heard them so many times, I’ve started to think, “what if they really think that’s how it works?” Yeah, that’s right, my parents named me by dropping a spoon down the stairs. Duh. Worst still, sometimes these “jokes” aren’t even funny, just plain insensitive and offensive.

To be honest, most racist comments I find funny, even when it’s directed towards me. Why? Just because I know the truth behind those comments. Also, most times these racist jokes come from my friends, so, I don’t get offended. I know that usually when these comments made, they’ve already thought about whether or not it would offend me. Additionally, we’re already on that level where we can make these “rude” comments about each other and still not get offended. That’s right, but that’s only because we’re close friends and we know each other. However, there have been times when I have been uncomfortable with what some people have said. And shockingly it happens with random people that I’ve just met. They say these insensitive things which, I personally do not think is appropriate. They don’t know me, they’ve just met me but they still say these really offensive things. So not only do I form a bad first impression of them because I think they’re insensitive jerks, I start to form a bad impression of Americans in general.

So what am I trying to say? I understand that I seem to be really hypocritical in this post. Is it fine to be racist or is it not? Well, I think I need to clarify. I DO NOT think it’s right to discriminate against ANY race. However, I am not talking about discriminating against race. I’m talking about making racist jokes or comments. As I’ve said at the beginning, everyone’s a little bit racist sometimes, whether they want to admit it or not. We all think a certain way about certain races. And that’s fine, go ahead and joke around with your friends, just don’t be insensitive, offensive or ignorant about it. Know who you’re saying these comments to, when you’re saying them, and even where you’re saying them. Choose your words wisely and think before you speak.

Awkward Moments: Door Holding

Awkward moments happen to everyone, everywhere, all the time. Since I have the dreaded brain fart, I decided to start this “segment” because, I really don’t know what else to write about. Through this, I will delightfully talk about the awkward moments that have happened to me in throughout my entire life. True stories my friends. Enjoy.

#1 Door Holding
Everyone has had this awkward moment before, the dreaded door holding. For me, door holding, especially when not done right, is still kind of awkward because I’m not used to door holding. I’m not American and we do not hold doors for people back home. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate people who hold doors, but sometimes, door holding can get a bit awkward. For example, when someone doesn’t hold the door and it slams right into your face. Awkward… Or when someone does hold the door but you’re not even close to it. Even more awkward.

This situation happened to me on multiple occasions, but the one most awkward encounter was this one time when I was crossing the street walking towards this building. There was this guy walking, probably about 20 paces or more, in front of me. It was just him and me in walking in that general direction, it was a pretty quiet day. Since he was so much further ahead of me, I felt like there was no need to walk any faster or to even pay attention to what was going on. After all, if you’re walking way ahead of someone, I wouldn’t expect you to hold the door for them. As soon as he opened the door and stepped foot into the building, he turned around to, courteously, see if there was anyone behind him. He looked, saw, and waited. For me. At that point, I wasn’t even halfway across the street, I wasn’t anywhere close to the building. At first, I didn’t notice, and then I looked up and made eye contact (awkward moment number 1). I turned around because I thought, “hmmm, maybe he’s waiting for a friend, who is… Running towards him?” but there was no one there, so I turned back towards him, whilst still walking at my slow pace, thinking that maybe he dropped something and was looking for it on the ground. But no, he was waiting for me, he held eye contact and waited for me with the door open. I started panicking and walked faster but I wasn’t getting there fast enough, so I started jogging. When I got to the door, I said “thank you so much!” and he just nodded, turned around and walked into the building. But wait! There’s more! We end up walking in the same direction, to the same place, for the same class as me. And yes, it was awkward…

Awkward Seal

Honest Rants: Strategic Relationships

I am sure many of us think of ourselves as genuine friends. The real deal. The one person who would be there for other people no matter what. And most times, we’re correct, we might legitimately be real friends or maybe when in comparison to many other people, we are genuine friends. However, I am also pretty certain that the majority of us will say that we have had that one friend that never really appreciated the relationship. They weren’t friends with us because they wanted to be friends, and they certainly weren’t friends with us because they appreciated us. They were in that relationship solely because we had something that could be used to their advantage.

There might be some of you who are saying, “No way! There can’t possibly be people out there who are like that!” Well, you are one of the lucky few, that I have encountered, that stay optimistic through everything. And quite honestly, I envy you. After all, ignorance is bliss right? As a child, I was an introverted, quiet, and quite darn obedient. This made me such an easy target for these “predators”. And example would be when I was in middle school. I was friends with someone who was charismatic, extroverted, and popular. To me she was one of my only friends and she was very precious to me. I was also very grateful that she wanted to be my friend and therefore would do almost anything she asked. Unfortunately, it was only later on in my relationship with her that I realised she was only in it because she could get me to do anything she wanted.

These relationships are very unhealthy and can be very mentally and emotionally straining for the person who really believes in the honesty and sincerity of the other party. I sincerely believed that she wanted to be my friend and for the longest time I was in denial of her real intentions. By the time I had come to terms with everything, I felt used, abused, and honestly, drained. When I finally pulled away from that relationship I was angry with the world, and I had lost all trust and started believing no one was honest in relationships.

I have always wondered the reasoning and logic behind manipulation and why people feel the need to use other people. Do they feel satisfied at the end of the day for managing to trick yet another person in believing them? But still I’m thankful because thanks to her, I learned how to observe and read through people who might be trying to take advantage of me. I hope that everyone who reads this learn to be vary for insincere and fake people. I also hope that no one takes this post the wrong way and start thinking that we shouldn’t trust anyone. Friendships are precious and important to everyone. I believe that no one is born to be a loner, only made that way. My one and only reason for this rant is so that people don’t have to deal with the emotional and psychological distress after the relationship comes to an inevitable end.

Take my words with a pinch of salt and don’t take my opinions the wrong way. Friendships should go two ways, and relationships shouldn’t always be a compromise on your part.

Fake Friend

The Anatomy of a Lie

Lying has never been something I approved of. Well, not anymore. Ask anyone of my friends and they’ll tell you that I can tolerate almost anything except for liars. As a kid I lied without restraint, I never thought about the consequences and I definitely never thought about the effects it would have on other people. It was around the time when I was 16 when I first experienced, first-hand, how much pain one lie can cause to others and worse still, to myself. Since then I swore that I would only lie if it were a matter of life and death.

Lie._lies._lying

It all started as a prank, me and another friend (who we shall call X) had decided to tell another one of my close friend, his brother, (who shall be known as Y) that we were in a relationship. At that time it seemed like a really funny joke, but we never really thought everything through and we certainly didn’t think about the feelings of all the parties involved. This “joke” went on for a good 2 years before it fell apart, but during those 2 years things had started getting out of hand. The joke turned into a string and web of lies. My life was turned into so many directions and left me blaming myself for the whole thing. Not only did my relationships with both X and Y become strained, I had unknowingly turned the brothers against each other and strained their relationship. All because of the string of lies that emerged out of that small joke.

I can just about guess the reactions to this post right now. Am I saying that you can’t pull pranks on people or joke around about something? No, many jokes and pranks are harmless, I still pull pranks on people from time to time, and I still go around joking about things. There is however, a thin line between what is a joke and what is a lie. A joke doesn’t require much logic to figure out. When we joke about something we do not intend to harm or deceive anyone, instead we joke about things to make other people laugh. A lie, on the other hand, is when we intentionally deceive or hide the truth from another person. It has no humorous intent behind it at all and it certainly hurts.

This post isn’t to condone anyone, and everything I say here is based on my own personal story and opinion. This post came up after much reflection of why I don’t lie anymore and why I certainly will not advocate it. I wrote this because I wanted other people to know why I will not lie and why I hate liars as much as I do. But aside from that, I wrote this to warn every single one of you reading this to be careful with your words. There is so little that separates a lie from a joke, and no matter how tight a relationship is, a lie can certainly destroy that.

Watch what you say and be wary of your words, it’s all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. A lie can turn into more lies and once you’re trapped in your own lies, it’s hard to get out.